"The Time-Starved Family" by DeAnne Flynn

-BUSY KIDS DO NOT EQUAL GOOD MOM- 

A mother does not need to plan her child's whole social life.  Parents put their children on a scheduled treadmill that just keeps turning up the speed...  This handicaps the kids for the future.  Our kids expect to be entertained, and they don't need to be self-starters so they don't.

-SIMPLE IS BETTER-

Focus on what I can control.  I have the reigns on our family schedule and activities.  Much of the stress we have is self-imposed.  Accept the fact that parenting was never meant to be easy.

Am I teaching my kids LIFE skills?

-ATTITUDE DETERMINES ALTITUDE-

CHOOSE to thrive and not just survive.  Thriving is far less about circumstances and situations and more about attitude and outlook.

-PRIORITIZE TIME-

"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God."

Family Dinners, Prayer, Scripture Study, FHE

Ask, "Will this matter at the judgement day?"

Imagine the Savior asking:

Did you use your time on earth wisely?

How was your attitude in the face of your trials?

Did you keep my commandments?

Whom did you serve?

When too much of our focus, our energy, our time and our means are going to the many branches of life instead of our spiritual roots, our efforts could actually cause the antithesis of our eternal goals--an overabundance and preoccupation with things and activities can rob us of the very spiritual vitality, peace and joy we are seeking to achieve in our lives and families.  -R Scott Strong

When we keep our goals and vision eternal it becomes much easier not to get overly distracted by earthly things.

-ENJOY THE NOW-

You can't do it all... and do it all well.

OR 

You can do it all... just not all at the same time.

The world says run faster.  The spirit says slow down.

When I want to start a new activity ask myself, "What do I want to give or gain by undertaking this activity or passion?"

Daily Rituals:

1.  Nourish my spirit

2.  Think positive thoughts--be grounded in gratitude

3.  Nourish my marriage--take time for my spouse every day


-UNDERSTAND THAT WINNING ISN'T THE ONLY THING-

"As caring parents, we naturally desire triumphant, positive experiences for our family members.  We want them to feel competent, confident and well rounded--and it's usually because of these worthy desire that we start to become over scheduled in the first place.  However, we need to be very careful that our quest for world achievement and success doesn't overshadow the things that matter most in our lives."

"We cannot buy priceless time spent together or the memories we make together."

In reality, a healthy self-image comes from competence and looking outward--not from awards or recognition.  

Competition is a fact of life, it is inevitable.  But we don't have to contend with the Jone's family or selfishly battle for earthly position, prestige, prominence or power.  The real "winning" families are those who keep their eyes on the prize--and that's being together forever.


-LESS IS ACTUALLY MORE-

Make wise choices.  Choose with care.


ACTIVITY:
"If I were to tell you that your earth life would end exactly three months from today, what would you change about your current schedule?"
Ask yourself,
"What does Heavenly Father expect of me?  What will be the thing of most worth to me?"

Do we have time for family scripture study, family home evening, dinner together, quite time to pray & ponder and relax together?

"For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God."  Alma 34:32

Our end goal is to meet God and have eternal life... so what do we need to do at the beginning to achieve that goal?  We need to wisely use the 24 hrs we have been given each day to prove ourselves.

How to Prioritize:
Sit down with a piece of paper and a pencil.  Use your calendar and your scriptures.  Take some time to prayerfully analyze your goals.  Then analyze your current schedule.  Are they in harmony with each other?  What can be put on hold or possibly even eliminated from your life to simplify and improve your daily routine?

Be a parent, not a push-over.

Remember that no one is perfect, so don't expect your family to be.

Find Balance like a Fruit Tree
Pruning the branches is prioritizing--cutting the unnecessary so the truly essential can emerge.
Essential: absolutely necessary; indispensable; vital.

Be soft enough to listen to your heart, and strong enough to follow it.

"Mothers who know do less.  They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally.  They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home.  Mothers who know are willing to live om less and consume less of the world's goods in order to spend more time with their children--more time eating together, working together, reading together, talking, laughing, singing and exemplifying.  These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.  Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world.  Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord's kingdom for the next 50 years.  That is influence, that is power."  Jule B. Beck

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"True self-esteem in not an independent commodity we can obtain.  It occurs as a by-product, a natural consequence of living with a different kind of esteem: esteem for others.  As odd as it sounds in a society obsessed with nourishment of the self, our feelings of self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect, grow only as quickly, deeply and securely as does our esteem for those around us.  It is founded upon a love of God and a knowledge of God's love for us--a double gift bestowed upon those who serve their fellow beings.  Only self-worth based upon God's knowledge of who we are and what we can become is perfect and unfailing.  Perhaps we should stop arranging experiences in the spotlight for our children and start arranging time to make a difference in someone else's life, with the kids along!"  -Cheri Loveless

In other words, by teaching our kids to look outward instead of inward, we can help them begin their own journey toward developing genuine esteem for others.

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-ALLOW AUTONOMY-

We can help children best by: Leading, Loving and Listening, instead of controlling, pushing and hovering.  "Our parental privilege is to love them, to lead them and to let them go."  Russell M. Nelson

Show our children we love them even when they fall short of OUR hopes and dreams for them.  ALWAYS provide unconditional love and SUPPORT and help them come to their own conclusions on things.

Gods way of parenting:  Teach correct principles and let them govern themselves.

Have my home be a place to relax, a place of comfort and a place of peace.  

-TEACH KIDS TO WORK-

Work is a blessing and a privilege.  Have the kids have outside jobs by 14 yrs old.

Work builds character, skill, endurance and togetherness in families.

"It's unwise to do for your children what they can do for themselves."The more opportunities you give your kids to work, the more skills and abilities they develop and the more self-reliant and confident they'll become.

-Teach them how to do the job

-Praise their contribution, attitude and effort

-Clearly define what you expect of them

-Point out the "why", the benefits

-Don't overload them, it shouldn't be stressful and full of pressure

- Maximize Motivation  (provide rewards, IF you...)(Saturday morning job lists kids pick a list when they wake up)

-Be Consistent, stick to your guns

*Don't let them get away with a poor job or lack of follow through.  It only teaches them that getting out of work is much easier than doing it.

Teach them how to:  cook, clean, do laundry, shop, budget, save, tithing

-TEACH PATIENCE AND CHARITY-

"One of the most important things we can teach our children is to deny themselves.  Instant gratification makes weak people."  Joe J. Christensen

Teach them while they are young, that we don't get everything we want in life!

Have the kids work and earn what they get.

Find ways to serve others together.

Focus on the gifts we already have--GRATITUDE.   Have a gratitude journal.

Downplay materialism--seek for things of a better world.  Things don't satisfy.

Say no to unimportant things so you can say yes to important things.

Shift from the Spotlight to Selfless Service:

Have the children ask themselves "How is the world a better place because I am in it?"  Journal daily contributions they make to help others.

It is better to serve than be served.  It brings JOY!

Take Service Vacations - Service Birthday Parties - Service during the Holidays

Blessings of Family Dinner

-Promotes positive communication

-Eat healthier

-Children increase academics and language skills

-Fosters healthy child development

Have kids do kitchen duty for a week.

Have a set time to eat between 5-5:30.

Share "highs & lows" of the day. 

Share what good they did through the day.

Have a special plate for birthdays, or to give tribute for a job well done or special occasions.